I am lost—lost in the dark. I don’t know where to run, run as fast as I can. I want to hide from everyone. You see, people don’t like me. They are rude, snob, sarcastic and unforgiving. They always treat me like a trash. Condemning and ruining one’s life and prying one’s privacy are some of the things that they do to me. It’s really unfair. They make my life miserable! I know that I am a sinner but I’m still a person with a heart and soul. I don’t deserve such spiteful treatment from them. I don’t care if they are famous, rich and powerful. I also have the rights like them. I’m tired of being questioned, dumped, ridiculed and condemned by other people. I don’t know what they want me to do. Ask. Ask. Ask.
Loneliness engulfs my soul. Self-pity strikes again. Many questions pop! Why do they like me to be miserable and confused? Sigh. Maybe, they want me to lie down on the road of bitterness, shame, fear, anger, doubts and aches. How rude!
Yes, I am definitely sad and alone. I’m deadly tired of my situation. I hate this! Aaah, someone dumps me; someone hates me; somebody lies to me; a few humiliate me; many hurt me! No friends, no family. I have no one to talk to. I have nothing to offer. I am just nobody—shattered and upset! I know they like it. What’s my worth? Nothing! Aaaaaaaaarrrgh!
Shhh.. There’s a voice, a deep voice that pacified my outburst. I didn’t know where it came from. Where? No idea.
I looked around because somebody’s calling me.
“My child, I am here.”
“Here? Where? Who are you?”
“My child, I love you. It’s not true that no one cares for you. I am here. I will never leave you.”
“You love me? Where are you? I want to see you.”
“Listen Emmanuel, I am here in the deepest part of your heart.”
“My heart? I don’t understand you!”
“You are still my child, my good child. Come to me.”
“I don’t believe you! I have no friends. I have no one with me. I have nothing. Nothing!”
“No, my child! You are not alone. I am here. Don’t be afraid. Leave all your worries with me because I care for you.”
“Stop it! Please stop! I am afraid to listen to people around me. They make me more vulnerable.”
“Listen to your heart, my child. I am here. Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.”
“Nooooooooooooh! Nobody cares for me. No one loves me. You are lying!”
“It’s true. I’m telling the truth. You are not alone. I’m here beside you. I won’t leave you. Promise!”
“Who are you? Why are you telling me these things?”
“I am your Father and I love you. Stop thinking that you are alone because you are not.”
I turned around. I didn’t want to listen to that deep voice.
“Ahhh, I’m afraid!” My tears started to pour out. My heart began to reveal those pent-up emotions I’ve tried to hide for many years.”
“Wipe away your tears. I’m here. I’m your Father, Emmanuel.”
Confusion crossed my mind.
“Father? Are you really my Father?”
“Then, why can’t I see you?”
“Close your eyes. Put your right hand on your left chest and feel my presence.”
“Oh God, what have I done? I am sorry. I have forgotten You! I am totally senseless.”
“No, my child. You are not senseless. I believe in you. I know that you are a good man. Stop crying for I am with you.”
“But I have committed countless mistakes. Will you still forgive me?”
“Yes because you are my beloved child. I still love you despite your weaknesses.”
“Forgive me Father for I have sinned.”
“Son, your sins are forgiven.”
“I love you, Father. Please be with me till the end.”
“My presence will go with you. Just have faith in me.”
“Yes, Father. I will love you with all my heart, will all my soul and with all my mind.”
I knelt down and prayed. The meaning of my name filled my mind—EMMANUEL = God is with us. Yes, God is indeed with me, with us.
Tears of joy flooded my very soul. God’s right. I am not lost and alone because I have Him in my life. Now, I know where to run. I will definitely run toward God and I will seek His loving presence forever! 🙂